You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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