I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
