somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is wine microwaveable?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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