Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
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i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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