Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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