Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found puke in my bra..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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