one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
