k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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