Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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