please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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