Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize