Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
