how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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