ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
