There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
