His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
