so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize