I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
