Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
