I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
