oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
