i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
did i just pee glitter
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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