I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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