What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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