this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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