this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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