my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
