dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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