I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
