When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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