whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
