please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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