how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
