I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
