Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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