YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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