This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
