Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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