Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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