I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pants are for mortals
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
