Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
