i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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