This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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