So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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