There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
