sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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