I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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