I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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