WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
