i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
