Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
