sarcasm needs its own font
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.