i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?