Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm passing your future prison.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I lost the right to judge tonight