She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.