His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
