I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
