Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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