she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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